" We're gonna teach them how to say good bye, you and I."
It got me thinking,
You never learn how to say good bye. No matter how many scripts we write. There's always a hindrance to ending things. At least for me. I will always try to transform instead of closing a chapter. People marvel at how George R R Martin isn't afraid to kill his characters, but if you think about it, it's easier to kill a character than to keep it alive. He's not awesome because he kills major characters, anyone can kill characters. He's awesome because his character development and world building is thorough enough that it doesn't rely on a character being alive to still be relevant and interesting.
Okay I diverged.
My point is, that I've always been afraid to say good bye, I've spoiled myself with techniques to transform and adapt instead of ending and disappearing.
Of course I'm not saying that it's the best course of action, there will always be instances where ending and disappearing is heathier than transforming. It's not always up to you. And transforming takes a lot of will to not turn it into an excuse to lie to yourself. It's selfish in so many ways.
See, when I meet someone enough to trust them, to intimate fears and share thoughts and experiences, that rapport takes a piece from me. Everyone I love and trust has a piece of me embedded, and I dare to say that the moment I inspire someone enough, I take a piece of them.
Saying goodbye will always be to destroy a piece of that soul. If that piece of the soul you took or gave is well taken cared of or not is irrelevant, it is still a type of soul death. And nothing in the universe can ever prepare you for soul death.
( Yes there is a horcrux undertone to this train of thought, but bear with me)
I feel like that with connections. It's why it's hard for me to imagine myself painting and selling what I paint, I'm not saying it's wrong, just that I attach a bit of my being to a drawing, or a book, wether close or far away it's there and it's hard for me to detatch enough to sell it. I would rather give it away, as gifts, instead of trading something alive like a piece of my art for something dead like money.
Fuck...
I'm gonna be a hoarder as an old lady aren't I....
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Cf3fnYu5KK0
